I think...nah...I don't think

When the bowl overflows..

2009-08-07T15:24:00.004+05:30

My cousins have come down here for a visit.. From london.. And they happen to have this idea that I'm many timing guys..

Every guy who happens to call me up or texts me is my boyfriend.. Apparently I have 16 guys as of now.. Don't misunderstand.. 16 guys as of now means 16 guys now at the same time..

My cousins are just 7 and 13.. Big effing difference that makes.. The 13 year old git sent a text to my friend asking if he'd go out with me.. The 7 year old terror yells into my mobile, everytime someone calls up, irrespective of the sex of the person, "Are you Gayathri akka's boyfriend?"

Those two read my messages even before I get to read them.. And they reply too !!! The situation is somewhat under control now, only because my mobile is currently under password protect.. Sigh..

It's a pain to explain it all to all of my friends.. The girls don't mind of course, the guys are just plain taken aback.. And since the number of guys I know to the girls I know ratio is whopping, it's hard to warn those guys before my cousins get to them.. Since the 13 yr old genius name is Kaushik, and I happen to have a friend named Kaushik, The 7 year old made me call my friend up to make sure the both the Kaushik's are not the same..

I'm loud in my decision.. Those two ought to be spanked.. My friends are univocal and loud about their decisions too.. "Your cousins are sooo cute !!!!"

So much for trying to warn them beforehand

Maverick and Mildcube III

2009-06-23T10:37:00.002+05:30

At last this series is going to be complete.. Starting where I left off..

9th grade sucked except for our new found love for scribbling away.. Enter 10th grade. Not very memorable, I can't remember a darn thing.. Except for one thing.. We discovered that we were the only kids who knew the existence of the word sexy, so we figured that our intelligence was above than the usual average, hence the confidence that we were potential CIA candidates..This pretty much sucked too (board exams, what did ya expect? )

And then enter 11th grade. I took bio.. Hated that subject completely.. But changed when i listened to my first ever proper bio class.. Mrs. Hema breathed life into that subject.. Anyways she got me to love something that I despised... She saw me as some potential Mendel I guess.. who knows who cares..

The same thing continued into 12th.. Board exam pressure, peer pressure.. The only ppl free from that crap was me and priyanka.. We whiled away our free time chatting together.. Teachers advised us to spend that time studying.. It fell on empty ears.. My bio teach still credits priyanka with my 'downfall' (I didn't score a centum in her subject in boards).. Her potential Mendel was being ruined by chatting !!! Of course the final straw came with a class test..

As usual, it was break time and we were chatting away.. Gossipping, bitching.. And the rest of the class was huddled inside the class, as usual cramming for yet another test.. I don't think they would have noticed if there was a sudden alien invasion.. My bio teach always gave away prizes to those who scored the top 3 marks in one of her surprise tests.. for motivation, the point of which was lost since the top 3 was always the same..

Anyways, one bloody day, she'd come to the class to give away the prizes for one of her tests. Since the entire class was huddled indoors, she took it for granted that everyone was indoors.. Of cource, honorable me was outside.. So when she called out the second place, I was ahem.. not responsive for the simple fact that I was outside.. I hadn't even noticed that she was in the class, much less she was calling for me.. So she sent someone to call me inside..

Monisha : Oi !! Miss calling you

Me : For what di?

Mon : 2nd place

Me : In what?

Mon : yesterday's bio test

Me : Now ah?

Mon : Yes. Stop asking questions.

Me : I'll go later

Mon : Idiot !! she's waiting for you inside the class

Me : Fuck !!

So I go in and get the prize.. She is so not pleased..

Of course, this was always complicated by the fact that the more she subtly pointed out I was wasting my time chatting, the more me and priyanka hung out together.. This ultimately ended up in her hating priyanka, who she believes, is the reason I didn't score a centum in her subject..

Anyway, We had our farewell.. a funny one it was too.. Instead of juniors waiting on us, we had the teachers themselves waiting on us.. Engulfed in hugs from teachers, we were thankful that school was over.. For me, because it meant I was no longer under the rigid control of my dad once I was in college, and the escape from that town.. For her, because she never really liked the school except for a few ppl in it.. I went back to visit once.. I like it for some of the values it gave me, that place has memories- some nice, the rest lousy..

Well, we still keep in touch regularly though we met only twice since school, once at her place, once in chennai.. We call regularly, bitching abt stuff, time pass, Discussions, suggestions on books to read, and yes, reminiscing.. All that is missing is the almond tree..

Ken's post here

Maverick and Mildcube II

2009-06-18T19:11:00.002+05:30

Enter 9th grade.. We were fools. Period. I'd much rather skate over this part but I've had too many a laugh reminiscing about this part of of my life.. So I figured that anything that affords a few laughs can't be all that bad..

Enter E.T.. Some female she was. Priyanka and me were pretty good at english and this was one female who appreciated it.. Graceful, not easily taken in, who was pretty much horrified if we didn't score over 95% in her subject.. We were good and She knew it. Acknowledged it. Of course it went to our heads... Btw E.T = English teacher.

Both of us had always been pets to english teachers throughout school..

I guess that was what made us carry that fascination too far.. I guess we sort of expected her to dance to our tune.. And she did too, for the first half of that academic year.. Where else do you find teenage girls reading Wuthering Heights and loving every bit of it?? We made the rules in english class. We dictated the lessons to be taught for that hour.. And she encouraged it too.. It was always Gayathri this, Priyanka that.. Our absences at her class initiated her enquiries into our well being and crap

Well, in the end she got tired of us I expect.. I don't blame her really.. Two girls who ruled the english class, evoking smirks in the staff room.. She would have hated it, knowing she was the laughing stock of the staff room because of the attention she poured over us . The rest of the class was fascinated by her as well and it didn't sit well with them that we were her favorites.. From the most adored teacher, she dropped to the 'most partial'.. I would have hated that label.. My guess is she did too, and she turned nasty..

From pouring attention on us, she switched gears to ignoring us.. She went out of her way to ignore us.. Lol.. She was suddenly pouring attention on another girl.. And that didn't sit well with us.. Let's just say we snapped out of it. Our pride got hit and we didn't like that either.

It all did us a bit of good.. Of course, we had been fools completely and we were embarassed by the whole thing. From then on, no matter how much a teacher poured attention on us, it never went to our heads. We were constantly tied for first place in english and the staff room talked about it.. It hardly mattered to us.

During the 8th-9th grade transistion, our love for english grew.. We seriously considered writing for a living .. Lol.. We wasted our time thinking up names, plots, dead bodies ( yeah, we were aiming for thrillers, surprise) It was mark of how celebrated we were and how dumb the rest of the class was (we were the only ones reading Alistair Mclean and Arthur Hailey, the rest stuck to Enid Blyton till 12th grade) that the rest of the girls seemed to think that this was a brilliant idea..

Oh well, nothing like school to teach you lessons.. Ken's version is here

Maverick and Mildcube I

2009-06-13T17:29:00.008+05:30

Me and Ken have been friends for quite a long while.. A feat to celebrated given that I'm extremely short tempered and real easy to irritate.. We've never, not for once, argued.. We've disagreed with each other loads of times though.. She's helped me grow and I hope I've helped her grow too..

It was quite funny actually, after the shock, to find out that she had been my classmate from LKG through 10th grade.. Of course, we split in 11th and 12th because I was in science group..

I didn't konw her pretty well back then.. Sure, she was this kid in class. So??

Noticed her in 5th grade basically.. In a totally weird way too. I can still remember our social teacher trying to explain hand grenades and Priyanka said she saw a movie in which a kid tossed the hand grenade at her family after removing the ring.. It struck a chord in my memory... Someone watched the same movie I did !!!

"Hey ! It was that movie, 'The stupids' right?"

"Yeah !! You've seen it ??"

"It's so awesome.. I watched it yesterday !!"

"Yeah. I like that scene where..."

Teacher : "Priyanka and Gayathri !!! Listen to my class. What are you two thinking, discussing movies ?? Listen or get out !!"

Got to know her in 8th grade.. What brought us closer was the fact that we were the only two who knew the question tag to "I'm right".. Besides we thought alike.. We were among the few girls who didn't have a mortal fear of guys/boys.. The only ones who didn't giggle insanely at guys from the boys high school..

She wasn't in my face. I like it. My mom's name is an intensely difficult name to pronounce. Go refer the Mahabharatha if you're interested.. Anyways.. What fascinated my classmates was the fact that both my parents are docs.. And so they wanted names... I got sick of repeating my mom's name, of pronouncing it, of teaching ppl to pronounce, of writing it down, of telling even more ppl who came to ask me.. Priyanka didn't give a damn and I was thankful.. Someone had enough sense to not bother with something that was no business of theirs..

She did get on my nerve one day though..

Her : Hey .. You don't have a bad structure u know .. You don't wear jeans ?
Me : (head held high) I know what to wear and what looks good on me

In my head : (you don't know my dad.. so get lost)

Another day while discussing music :
Her : I loooove Ricky Martin
Me : I listen to ABBA. They're really good.
In my head : Won't she leave me alone?? I don't wanna talk music..She probably thinks I don't listen to music..good..

I snubbed her every chance I got and she made fun of me every chance she got.. Dunno what stopped us from clawing each other's eyes out.. Guess inspite of everything, We figured we were the only two in class who actually thought.. But I think we eventually figured out that we complemented each other.. I was withdrawn and an introvert, she was an extrovert and way too "modern" to suit the school's views.. I isolated myself, she was isolated because of her views.. I knew I had to speak out more and she knew she had to speak out less.. She needed help, I needed help, we thought alike, we didn't give a damn about other people, we were aloof as possible, we just didn't talk to anybody, to be our friend, you had to be special...

We became friends then, though, different in every way imaginable...

Check this out for her side of the comedy....

Exam = Enjoyment

2009-06-13T16:44:00.003+05:30

Exam times are a lot of fun.. Most of the time that is.. Way too many ppl take exams seriously. So seriously that this question was asked to me today "Did you finish studying?" and the exam today was english... What do you do with ppl like these ?? I seriously would love to know why I have to study to answer Fill in the blanks and Choose the correct answer

All my friends are online all the time.. I'm online all the time.. Me and my friends spent today taking insane photographs of ourselves.. While drinking, eating, talking, laughing, blinking, sticking the tongue out, slapping the forehead etc etc.. After drinking milk without wiping the mouth, with the "milk moush" still intact.. On Chemistry exam we are going to take photos with something I got at a new year party.. It is insanely cute because it is a Head-wear with two big red horns...

Eaves dropping during the supposed "revision hour" is fun.. Esp eaves dropping on seniors..

"Hey he proposed to me. I said no.. One big queue. I said I will love only one person and that is my husband.." It does nothing to help if you can actually see the girl saying this. It kills you to try not to laugh..I know. I've tried. "Macha, she's such a bitch da. She sent me to the HOD for texting in class da. Bitch." "Macha, periya aapu.. Onnum theriyadhu da. Konchum paper pass pannu." How my life would suck without seniors !!

Discussing the question paper after the exam is stupid.. And everyone is eager to do it..

I like the after exam discussions that have nothing to do with the exams. Like today.

"He is a really nice guy."

"Yeah right."

"He's this nice, decent, innocent guy."

"Ignorant you mean. Anyway he's not that 'innocent'. I saw him shaking his middle finger at someone two days back."

"Hey wait. Which is the middle finger? This one right?"

And hold up the finger to seek clarification.. How much more dumb and fun can this get??

Exam time also shows a marked increase in stupid sms forwards.. Like this one:

"Sri sai baba. Say this thrice. Send this to 20 ppl. Or you will fail in this exam. Do not delete. This is true."

This sort of sms does not work for me because:

1) I'm agnostic

2) I can't count

3) I don't know 20 ppl who I'd like to see fail

4) I know I won't fail in any fucking exam. That's why I study

5) I already deleted

6) I'm sceptic

Messages like these arrive in bunches.. With Jesus and Sri Krishna and Allah in a tow. All for passing an exam, extending the lifetime of your mother, to prove you love your father, to live longer, blah blah..

But the best by far was this:

"Aatha kanchi oothura. Aatha enna kapaathu. Send this to 20 ppl illa nee gaali."

The transliteration would be : "Aatha is pouring gruel. Aatha save me. Send this to 20 ppl or you will die."

Maybe if aatha was pouring free booze, the guys might be interested...

Dude, What's tomorrow's exam?

2009-05-25T12:26:00.002+05:30

I know I have physics and chenistry sem pracs tomorrow. But I have no idea when the exams are starting or whether physics or chemistry is first.. Fuck sem exams.. But looks like I'm not alone. A text from my classmate around mid-day proves.

"Dude, What's the first exam tomorrow?"

Great. I don't know either. Why do they assume that I, of all ppl, would know???

"I'll find out and tell you da."

And I try, I swear to God, to find someone who does know. But no one has any clue. Everyone I send a message to, has the same reply: "I was just planning to ask you."

But hey, it's unfair to expect guys to know anything important, esp of this sort, esp when it comes to exams.. I should try the girls. I call my namesake and I strike gold. She not only knows what exam I have tomorrow, but also the timings of the exams. Great.

One constant fear is whether we'd think the exam is for tomorrow but instead find out that it was scheduled for today.. That's becasuse we have no clue about either the exam or the dates..

But now that I do know both, I better tell everyone.. Everyone, in this case, being the guys because the girls know everything when it comes to exams...

I can't think because it demands effort

2009-05-22T12:19:00.005+05:30

I can't imagine life without some crazy buggers.. Like my brothers and few ppl at college.

My 12 year old brother is totally English ever since he returned from UK. What with his high and mighty attitude and his incomprehensible accent, nobody bothers to listen to him. He doesn't listen to you anyway. But there's only one way to get him to pay attention to you. Call him "dude".
"Dude I want to listen to the commentary!!"
"Akka! Don't call me dude!!"
"Why dude?"
"Dude is the foreskin of a camel."
Uh?? Blink blink. Wogay... I wonder which Buddha enlightened him

My 7 year old brother is plenty interested in going through my cupboard, borrowing my stuff, not returning them and watching me hunt for it.. He just happens to think that my lip balm happens to make the best ever lubricant for his roller skates. Don't ask what happened to the lip balm thereafter.

My 21 year old goose of a brother, whom I happen to adore simply for the fact that he can make me laugh and is always watching my back, is the second laziest person I know.. Make him laugh when he's drinking water. He'll spit it out, ask you to fetch more water for him to drink because it's your fault that he spit it out in the first place, and since you made him spit it out, you better clean it up too.. Once you do clean it up, he'd wish that the water had remained on the floor so he can watch someone slip and dislocate their hip. So he'll ask for some more water - to pour on the floor...He'd yell at the top of his voice, so much so that you'd think drinking water must be banned (his voice ought to be banned more likely).. But he told me in private, in whispers, "That's how you get ppl to work for you." Not surprisingly, he's right. That's how he extracts work from his brother who happens to be the third laziest person I know..

Speaking of whom, he's adorable too. For always letting me have my own way. He hasn't got the slightest clue about anything..Like today, when once again grandpa thrust Kamba Ramayanam at me, urging me to prepare for IAS.. As I kept muttering darkly, cursing Valmiki and Kamban and the rest of their kind, my bro perked his ears up..
"Akka, who is valmiki? I've heard of him."
And suddenly I'm seized with a desire to tell him to go ask grandpa.. Grandpa will be so bothered by this that I could prolly ignore kamban and his works and still not be lectured for it.

"Akka, is he a fighter? Does he wrestle??"
Now I spit water out.
"Uh?" I splutter.
"Is he an actor? Maybe he's a member of a band.."
The pet is seriously thinking hard. He turned to look at me, with that far away look still in his eyes.
"Who is he akka? Give me a clue and stop laughing!!!"
I struggle to speak. I can't form words. But at last I gain control of myself.
"A poet."
"Oh.. what did he write? Any movie songs?"
More splutter...

Weird..

2009-05-17T09:41:00.003+05:30

Lot of weird stuff been happening lately.. Invokes curiosity now that I think back on it.. There was that day when a senior citizen told me his life story when I went to have my notes spiral bound.. Then that day when another senior citizen told me how he too studied EEE because he loved it but how he didn't land a job with it and how he forbade his son from studying EEE so he wouldn't suffer the same way too.. Weird really how so many old ppl require directions to locate addresses..I've been noticing street names that I took for granted before now, so that the next time yet another elder asks me, I can direct him properly.. But the weirdest was that time, about two weeks ago, when an old guy came upto me, asked me if I was married and asked me to slap him...

Lot of weird stuff been happening lately..

Incoherence

2009-04-24T12:21:00.008+05:30

Stuff just pop into my head and I want to write them down but then I'm too lazy to.. Besides those thoughts are all random and completely arbit so there's only one way I can put them all on the same post..

# IPL rocks. CSK not playing as usual. What is Dhoni saving Murali and Ntini for?? And WHY is Patel and Sharma in every match??

# I dunno why ppl who know nothing of cricket poke their noses into it. Shilpa Shetty is a part owner of the Rajasthan Royals (winners of the last season).. They incidentally lost their first match of this season to Delhi Daredevils. With an unattainable run rate of over 15 rpo, RR is looking glum while Ms. Shilpa Shetty is waving frantically coz she is on camera.. As Sunny Gavaskar Commented with wry humor, "Anyone with a little about idea about cricket would be looking a little worried for their team right now.."

# Talking of IPL, What's up with this anon blogger claiming to be a frustrated member of the Kolkata Knight Riders? He's got more than 21000 profile visits and over 1880 followers (at the time of scribbling this post) and he started blogging only this april after IPL started..KKR's are going nuts over this as is the IPL panel over all the negative attention. KKR have officially denied that an inside guy is the blogger while IPL panel is maintaining the silent treatment..And why is KKR losing their matches anyway?? They've got the fourth best line up ever.

# Ferrari's having a lousy season this year. Too bad Sutil had to go and crash just as he was leading Hamilton comfortably in Shangai..Bad year for Vijay Mallya.. Bangalore Royal Challengers been losing all matches except their first.

# Fracture is a pain in the ass. (Weird sentence structure when you think about it)

# Physics ma'am is hopeless. The guys have a name for her. "Item".. Never seen anything look less like one (going by tamil cinema).. And when I told this to a classmate, his reply, "All of you girls are just jealous of her".. Right. The Pope might as well just get married.

# Civil Sir is just as hopeless. I walk into his class late by 10 mins regularly and I'm still the earliest in the class.. And he never has anything to say about it.. My civil notes notebook (so called) is covered with pages of BINGO. Apparently I'm leading Bhargavi 21-17

# The guys in my class have a song for their trip to their HQ. So called because they all go there in groups, never bother to close the damn door and chatter wildly.. The song btw is .. "Show me the meaning of peeing lonely".. Need of the hour

# The new Honda city, and the Hayabusa 09 are sexy... (Those who have issues with my choice of adjective, pls replace sexy with fuckin good. If you still have issues, get lost)

# I never get tired of watching little rascals, monsters inc., paycheck, letters from Iwo Jima, michael mathana kama rajan.. Dunno why

# All hollywood movies are funny when translated into tamil.. Cartoons even more so.. Try watching Dexter's laboratory or the Powerpuff girls.. Hmmm.. I wonder what they'll make of The Dark Knight..

# Mech class rocks. Man, the prof got a standing ovation.. The way he thrashed earth hour.. "Which idiot introduced this concept of earth hour? Out of 365 days you are selecting one hour in one day to observe earth hour uh? Out of 8760 hours in a year, you're switching off your lights for one hour to save earth uh? What logic is that? All of you are stupids.. Foolish you all are.."

Man.. It was hilarious.. I mean it was the best mech class ever (exempting the mech workshops) and only because of this look of absolute passion on his face..
"How many of you use geysers for heating water for your bath? You all will generally use 15 liters for bathing. A bucketful right? That is a bucketful. To increase the temperature of one liter of water by one degree celsius you need 4186 joules. Say the temperature of water is about 30 degrees. You will need at least a temperature of 35 or 40 for a warm bath. So do the math...." At this point, we were all hopelessly lost. I mean we were laughing so hard. I never wondered abt the temperature of water much less how many liters I used for washing myself.. He actually asked us at what temperature we thought our bath water was.. The average answer was 70.. I know, it was nuts. But we couldn't even think. It was hopeless really.

"So you are using about 85 kilo joules to heat your bath water. Do you know how much coal is burnt to produce energy so you can have your 85 kilo joules just for heating water? The best method is heating by using wood. Burn wood and heat your water for your bath.. You are all not realising.. All of you are stupids.. Idiots and fools you ppl are"

And we can't stop ourselves. I have tears running down my face. Tears of laughter that is.. We never appreciated anyone calling us idiots and complete fools this much. Man, the mech prof is so cute.

My college moves in mysterious ways, its miracles to perform

2009-04-15T20:16:00.004+05:30

My college and my collegemates seem to be governed by a law of their own... I simply can't get it..

If your shoes/bag/socks/watch/mobile/jeans are top notch (read branded) then you're cool.. Otherwise it'll take you quite some time to get up that ladder.. It helps if
# You have the largest toy car model collection in the country
# Your father is a rotary club president
# You're a member of a band
# You go to singapore or florida to perform
# You have a car of your own
# You know alisha abdulla
# You own a mylo
# You have the ideal measurements (for girls) , you are filthy rich (for guys)
# You talk perverted stuff for chitchat
# Even your bathroom slippers are from adidas..

I didn't even know these things existed.. Credits are due to the one sitting next to me in class for this enlightment.

We were to have college on a sunday coz the NBA (for those whose minds jumped to basketball, I'm referring to the National Board of Accreditation) was visiting.. I think only ECE and MECH were made to come. Either ways I didn't go.

All the guys from all the depts are good pals.. Can't say the same for the girls. Apparently 50% of the girls are bitches and since it can't be you, it must be one sitting next/across you in the bus/the canteen/lab/class/exam hall/whatever

I don't know which wise guy cracked this but he said " The women around the world dress exactly the same way..to annoy other women"
I dunno the truth in that, but man, do girls have an eye for keeping track of your apparel !!
" Hey civil sir wore the exact crappy combination two classes back. Someone must burn it."
I happen to agree whole heartedly- the dress didn't deserve to see the light of day but I'm baffled.. How did she know what he wore two classes ago? She remembered even that combination.. (ok. the combo was a golden sorta shirt with navy blue pant. certainly eye catching. can't blame her really)

The girls are so particular about the dress. If you wear the same dress twice in the same month, god forbid !! You will hear this with 3 days to go till the end of semester- " This is the second time I'm repeating this dress. Actually i wore it during my vacation in the hols so this is actually the fourth time but only the second time to college. "
My reaction usually is a vague "Oh really? I never knew. How nice." And that never sits well with the girls. Sigh.

Girls are constantly judging and criticizing other girls. Ironic really when you think about it. "Hey she has such a huge ass." "Hey K and P broke up. I told you she was no good for him." "Hey D drinks !!!" And I'm like "cool" and that never sits well either.

I actually take notes in mech class. I dunno who's more screwed. Me or these females.

I like mech dept best. No girls to drive you nuts. No crappy attitude. But the best part is the guys are all brainy.. Every single guy I know is intelligent.. Makes my day

I move in mysterious ways to perform my miracles too. Like today when I moved and hit my foot against a chair and fractured my toe for the fourth time.

If parents come visiting, I have no clue as to what ppl normally do.. Coz when my parents come visiting, I turn my life around by 180 deg.. Like last week for example. My parents were to arrive at 6. But they were in chennai by 5. And they offered to pick me up. Heck no !! I was wearing a dress that dad hadn't bought for me and I had a bag that dad had no clue existed.. I bought them myself and of course dad would cut my already meagre allowance (read pittance) if I was buying stuff on my own without his supervision. He even decides how I should cut my hair (I didn't listen to him, Cut my hair like I wanted and then listened to the merits of obedience to parents and the bad things that happened to kids who didn't listen to their parents)

Eitherways They asked me to get down at IIT where they'd pick me up..I panicked.. I told them I'd go home on my own. They told me to get down at my stop and keep walking home and they'll pick me up on the way. Groan. I checked my purse. I didn't even have enough change. Fuck. I figured I'd have to pay the auto after I got home. They were in adyar when I got down. Darn. Two minutes away. I walked faster than I ever had. Caught an auto and ran up the apartment stairs. Yelled to my sister to change the books in my bag to another one that my dad would approve. Meanwhile I changed into another dress that dad would approve. I still hadn't paid the auto and I still didn't have any change. I was rushing about hiding the shoes and various other kurtas I'd bought and ran smack into my bro. "You're a life saver. You have 30 bucks?"

And that ass took 3 entire minutes to give me that money !! I told my sis to hide anything that would give me away while I thrust my ATM and FUEL card away.. Ran down the stairs three at a time to pay the auto and have it out of the way before my parents saw it or worse, saw me paying him.. And the driver didn't recognise me.. I'd gone in in a blue dress and had come out wearing pink.. He was gazing into the distance. I had to wave the money in his face.. The second the money changed hands I saw my parents come round the curve. Grouse. I beat it to the stairs and escaped..

That day, for the first time in a year I tasted mom's cooking..

My brother... well.. what can I say..

2009-04-02T21:12:00.006+05:30

I've got the bestest brothers in the world... In particular, Two of them are absolute darlings to say the least..

There is one who I worshiped since I was a kid.. My cousin brother.. A real cool guy. I owe him a lot. From street cricket to sliding down the banisters to threatening the next door kid to my independence.. I owe it to him.

He seemed really cool to me when I was a kid.. The guy who got away with everything, the guy who could be humorous, the guy who could be responsible for looking after me and the tiny army of other cousins and still not come across as authoritative, for being able to put everyone at ease, for being an excellent conversationalist, for having attitude..

But most of all I loved him for one particular reason.. the way he treated me - never once did he treat me like a delicate darling as girls in my family are usually treated. Instead, I was treated his equal, his partner in everything.. It drove the family nuts to see a girl all muddy and caked in dirt playing cricket, or climb over the gate or have competitions on who would stay longest under the shower at night in winter..Of course, it only drove him to include me in everything he did..

He opened a whole new world to me.. I learnt from him that one fierce look was all it took to terrorize the boy next door, ppl could actually sleep on chairs, food tasted better at mid night while watching tv with music on than dinner ever would, bursting crackers were much more fun when whole packets were set fire to..

There were many things that I couldn't do that he could.. but it never mattered to him. I think what I liked best about it all was the fact I was given importance.. And he never let the fact that I was a girl stand in the way of our fun. But he never forgot that I was a girl either.. He still is the protective brother who watches my back as he did then..

And then we grew up.. we got different lives of our own.. I could no longer jump gates and compete with him on who could eat a banana in one mouthful, or hog like a pig... besides I didn't want to and neither did he.. He had cool friends to do cool stuff

Into my late teens, I missed him.. More likely, I missed the time and fun we had together..

Either ways we message and get on each others nerves regularly now..He looks out for me and I look out for him when we are doing stuff that'll get us in trouble.. So in one sense we are still partners..

Sample dialogue between us thru text messaging:

Him: Where the hell are you?
Me: Adyar. Stuck in traffic da
Him: Adyar??? Didn't you go to the library like you said?
Me: I did go !! I'm stuck in the traffic coming back !!
Him: Whatever.. Tell me quick, what lie do I tell pats?

Pats, Gran, Grams, G are all nicknames for our grandma between us

Me: No need to lie. Just tell her I'll be home in 15 mins
Him: Seriously!! Don't tell me you really went to the library!!
And you got abt 5 mins to get home after which your dinner will disappear...
Me: You are a git with a capital G, and an I and a T too
Him: Get home quick honey..

And then sometimes I text him so he came inform grams whenever I happen to start late from college.

Me: Are you at home or in your apartment?
Him: At home. Why?
Me: I'm starting from col only at 5 so tell gran that I'll be home by 7.30 at the latest
Him: I'm doing no courier boy work for you. Tell her yourself.
Me: No balance da git.. Just move your ass to the kitchen and tell her
Him: No can do darling..
Me: Don't make me swear ra
Him: Ok. I'll tell her... After 9
Me: Oh fuck. Get lost ra.
Him: Chill. I'll tell her

And then there was the time when I had to accompany my grandparents to visit a sick relative I didn't know existed in a hospital... Predictably I'm bored to death.. So I send a text to my brother

Me: Dei, I'm bored to death da
Him: You're at the hospital only no? The mortuary must be somewhere nearby..
Me: I swear to God, you're are no help at all
Him: When are you folks returning?
Me: An hour max
Him: I'll give you all the help you ever need
if you can keep those folks there for another hour
Me: Can't darling. Already on our way home.
Him: Do something. Pretend to puke
Me: Can't
Him: Stop the car. Really do puke
Me: You think puking comes on demand
Him: Fine. Do whatever. Just don't get home so soon.
Me: Why not? I should have thought that 2 hrs were more than enuff for boozing
Him: Finished that long ago. Just don't want you home and on my nerves so soon..
Without you I had peace and quiet...OM..
Me: We are speeding home.. Granps wants to know when you started boozing..
Him: WTF. You told him
Me: Yep
Him: Stay out of the house

And then there was that time when I was bored (yet again) at 1 in the morning... So I text him..

Him: What the hell

Me: I'm so bored da

Him: Go find someone else to bother

Me: Everyone's sleeping ra

Him: And you thought i'd entertain you by waking up??? go to sleep

Me: Pls Pls. A pretty pls with a cherry on top??

Him: Chuck the cuteness quotient. what do you wanna talk abt?

Me: Did you booze with your friends today in your apartment?

Him: Can you think of nothing better at 1 in the morning??

Me: Anything

Him: Man..I'm so hungry

Me: Hey I'm sleepy da. Go back to bed

Him: WTF. I wake up to keep you company and you ask me to go back to bedas easy as you pls

Me: Good night .. :)

Him: You are so dead

Needless to say, this is why he is a pain in the ass and an absolute darling

Now..Do I laugh or cry???

2009-03-22T17:11:00.001+05:30

Ok. This month so far has been rubbish... This month started with the cycle tests, which had been postponed from the previous month coz the UGC had come to take a peek at my col.. And we have an amazing system for doing our cycles.... We have three tests per day, each after an hour's gap...TA DAH..

As if that wasn't enough, the guys decided to let out the steam by playing a shirt Vs shirtless football match. This sort of a match might be eye candy in some cases (for the girls, ie) under rare and specific conditions...but most of the time, they're not...Take it from me, nothing's more grouse than guys who don't go to the gym, chasing a football without a shirt.

And yeah, what else happened this month??? Oooohh, I almost forgot about my comp lab. My adorable teacher changed my place. Why? I talk too much. Why not? Coz that's the way it is... Like hell it is!!! She can go to hell. I swapped my place already.

And then, and then...My robotics workshop. On a saturday and sunday. Another tempting reason-- to stay in bed!!! It means that I've worked my ass off for 12 hrs continuously for 13 days in a row!!! If I drop dead, boy, are ppl gonna be sorry!

At last, after working for 13 lousy days, you'd think that a sunday might seem like the genie just granted you your wish. Heck no!!! Coz the day after that blessed bloody miraculous sunday, I have my cycle tests (again), three tests in a day (again), math, physics and circuit theory in a single day... Hurray!!! ( too tired for the hip! hip! )

And then, when you think that math, physics and circuit theory can go to hell, and all you're doing is taking a hard earned break by reclining on your chair reading calvin and hobbes, the last thing you want is for someone to give you food for thought... I'm talking about my grandpa. He saw me reading calvin and hobbes, trashed comic strips on a mega scale, told me to start preparing for IAS. Yeah, I was stupified too. I mean, when you can't handle your daily life coz you had to work on a weekend, asking for IAS preparation is hell. I mean, get real!!! I'm just 18, going on 12!!

Anyways, all the while he was telling me the merits of the job, my eyes get glassy... This is an art I practised and perfected at college..The art of sleeping with your eyes closed and an intellingent, earnest, interested, impressed expression on your face... But when today, he actually tells me to read ancient tamil stuff, I lose it... Anyone who knew me in school knows that I suck in tamil at a major lvl.. The books Grandpa recommend : Kamba Ramayanam, Thirukkural, and some such stuff. I sure do hope he's not serious coz these are the very works that creeped me out in school.

"I'll get the books out for you. Start preparing next week." WHAT!!!!! Listen to me. somebody please. I wake up everyday and I have no idea what classes are scheduled for that day. So I go online and check. And then I downloaded the bloody time table so I didn't have to go online. But MS word takes a bloody long time to open. And bloody long time is something you don't have when you wanna see your time table and the bus is due in 15 mins. So I just text some arbit classmate. Weird how she never gets tired of telling me the TT daily instead of asking me to go to hell. Shrug.

Coming back to the problem at hand, did it not occur to him that I might not want to study for the bloody exam??? I'm a college kid struggling to make sense of college!! I sincerely felt like crying ( coz it wouldn't make any difference to him whether or not I wanted it ) and laughing ( I dunno why) at the same time. Sigh. I thought I was done with this when I overrode my uncle and took up eee instead of cse. Why do these ppl go about deciding stuff for me??? And if I don't agree, I get the "you- think-you-know-everything-but-you'll-find-out-that-I-was-right-and-you-are-wrong" treatment. It just freaks me out. I swear, one of these days I'm gonna run away from home just like I've been threatening to do since I've been 10. Anyone got accomodation???

Anyone sane would have gone nuts. But then, it helps that I was nuts to begin with...

Next time I shall take to staring at the ceiling

2009-02-24T19:18:00.006+05:30

I'd always wanted to do a post on how my day went from the minute I woke up till I hit the bed again. Strangely enough, no matter how good my day happened to be, I wanted a day that went wrong from the start for my post. This post isn't abt a day that was lousy from the start, but then, owing to a bloody female (to whom I dedicate this post) who very unfortunately happens to be my comp sci lab teacher, my day starting going downhill ever since I stepped into that grubby place (the lab). So this qualifies....

Asking me to shut up and not talk = asking the Pope to get married. It just doesn't happen. It's one of the universal truths. But I guess this female can be excused (she's new to our class). Anyways, we're doing shell programming in Linux ( You're not the only one wondering why) and my best pal in college, GG, is sitting next to me. I don't get the output and he asks me to change the directory. The fuckin female sees him pointing to my monitor and me telling him to go to hell. And then she starts the comedy.....

FF : Hey you..

Girish gets up.

FF : Not you. The girl.

I swear under my breath and get up from my place. She beckons me with her finger. I try to arrange my face into that puppy dog look that always works....and failing miserably. Totally and inexplicably, I want to laugh. As a result, my look goes from 'lost puppy' to 'maniac escapee from an asylum'

FF : What's your name?

Me : Gayathri ma'am

FF : hmmmm.....

Fiddling with my ID

FF : How much did you get?

Me : Ma'am...

FF : What's your mark?

Me : I dunno ma'am

FF : You dunno ah? you don't even know your own marks???

Me : We have grade system ma'am. no one knows their marks.

FF : Ah. Yes. What's your cgs?

Me : gpa

FF : what?

Me : It's gpa ma'am. not cgs.

By now I've decided to be rude to her so she could send me out of the lab. The air conditioning failed and I finished my programming anyway. effing hell

FF : Athu thaan. What did you get?

Me : 7.8

FF : Arrear illaya?

Me : no

FF : unmaiyava?

Me : yes.

FF : hmmm... po

I go sit down. The guys and all are cursing her too :D as a mass plan ( whatever that is) they all start talking too. But this female has her eyes only on me. Somehow I'm not bothered. Given that both me and girish have terminals next to each other, we are chatting with each other anyway, by typing and reading each others monitors. We happily discuss Ragnarok. We're discussing my pet ( a poring) and my next character ( an assasin) and the signature moves of my present character (lord knight)

By now, it's the last 30 minutes of the lab. We decide to get some work done after all. So I get someone obs and we start copying. Only we let the obs slip down to the floor. So I bent down to retrieve it and told girish "It's ok. I got it." And that female calls me again...(Pls do notice that I opened my mouth for the first time since she ticked me off the first time)

FF : Enna venum unnaku??

Me : water ma'am

FF : WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE???

Me : Writing

FF : What?

Me : Basic commands

FF : Athuku nee pesanuma?

Me : illa

FF : Then what did you tell him??

Before I can reply, she yells to a guy at the last terminal... " Arun, Fifth time warning. sit down. " WTF

Me : I didn't say anything

FF : But I saw your lips move

Me : Ma'am. no AC ma'am. This lab is hot ma'am. I'm sweating ma'am. so I said 'kadavulae' ma'am.

FF : Why you did you say it to him?

Me : I didn't say anything.

FF : What are you both doing?

Me : writing

FF : what?

Me : BASIC COMMANDS!!!!

FF : why are you both writing together?

Me : Cos we're coping from the same obs.

FF : hmmm...

Staring at me.... she's gotta do better than that.

Me : staring back...utterly bored look on my face

FF : So you tell him anything?

Me (@ girish who happens to be all the way across the lab): Did I say something?

He stands up. " What?" "Oh. No ma'am. she didn't say anything."
Girish (@me) : Did u say something?

I grin at him and turn back to ma'am.

Me (in a hurt voice) : ma'am? Can I leave?

FF : hmmm... po.

I fled to my place. And I hi- fived 7 ppl :D

Btw the files that I've created so far are
#fdisklas (fuck this class)
#fdakybrd (fuck the keyboard)
#gts (go to sleep)
#yyy (yuck yuck yuck)
#stufe (stupid female)
#dislabsux (this lab sux)
#wamidohre (what am I doing here)
#effhe (effing hell)

Second Semester Sucks

2009-02-12T21:00:00.002+05:30

It hit me just yesterday that my second sem sucks like a black hole. For the past 3 or 4 yrs, there has been no sem system for the first year. Now my batch has the sem system like after 4 yrs. And guess what? There are no books with the given syllabus available anywhere. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING???????

Know how i started my morning and achieved that incredible insight about my sem???

# Yesterday was one of those lousy days when all the 7 hours were theory classes.

# There's this female in my bus who pisses me off all the time and she sat right next to me. She's doing it on purpose, I know. I can tell.

# She is bored coz I'm ignoring her and she has nobody else to piss off. So she starts pestering me for my Ipod. I give it her just to shut her up.

# She browses thru the songs busily. Now she wants to list out the songs that she likes and the reason she likes 'em. Like I care.

# Seriously. Why can't I just smile at her like I have a lock-jaw while cursing her inside my head???

# 3rd hour physics. She comes in, starts murdering English ( I bet more than one person was turning in his grave and more than half the class wished they were in their graves.)

# She goes like " I want you to learn your daily portions so I'll be asking questions everyday. Ok? (not ok.) Now if you don't answer, what punishment shall I give? (blink blink. I knew my mind was going, but my hearing as well??) Will you write the answer 5 times? I'll check everyday (Holy mother of God!!) You agreed to my punishment, so study properly." (we agreed?? No young Lady, I don't think so)

# Suddenly, I'm not feeling so well. I feel like retching.

# Ashwin is teased for having failed in his love (?) while actually he's pissed about his up coming football match. He keeps muttering "why do I do it wrong all the time? Fuck fuck fuck." The other guys : " Don't worry about love da. Date our physics teacher. She'll make you do it 5 times if you get it wrong.....(ends on a note of tantalising promise)

# I'm feeling lousier by the minute. The civil prof is so mild and scared of the stu's that we are talking while he is talking as well.

# English hr after lunch. Need I say more?

# Col's over and I'm sitting in the bus wondering if I should've tried throwing up, back at college. Can't do a thing now anyway. I pull out a book called "My life on a plate" from my bag to keep me distracted about throwing up.

# Bad choice of book. Some stupid voice in my head, a voice which I can do without, tells me in a conspirational whisper that I'll prolly end up like the female in the book. What a thought to have when you feel like retching already.

# A mob of about 200 protesting something on the street. Cmon. Gimme a break here. All I want to do is go home and throw up in the comfort of my bathroom and there's been 4 traffic jams already.

# The irritating girl now gives me list of the names of her dolls. There's bunny who's actually a pig, cute who's an elephant, beauty- a teddy, fruity- another teddy, bla bla bla. now I wanna retch more than ever.

# Home. ouch. A guest. I splash cold water on my face and plop onto the bed. Grandma bustling in, " Come say hello. Cmon." With a smile botoxed in place I do as I'm told.

# There's this guy who sends like 20 texts per day, all of the senti variety. It's really irritating when you want to sleep. Getting no response, he calls up. Wow. nothing's more comfy than opening your mouth to talk when you feel like vomiting.

# I get a text from a classmate at 11. "are u in love with someone? If you don't mind telling me, pls tell." I reply, " Yes darling, I'm in love with our CM. Planning to elope. What do ya think?"

# Btw What was that protest about anyway? I should watch the news more. But I've really got an issue with the way it's presented. It bothers me so much that I have frequent dreams with small dialogues boxes saying " If you want just news and no attitude, click the "news only" button." Grouse.

# I yell at my darling friend from col for no apparent reason. He takes it remarkably well and is very decent about it. God only knows why I started sobbing suddenly in the middle of the night.

# I get bored. might watch the news after all. I surf thru all the channels, no luck. Fuck.

Like I said, second sem sucks so far

The fast track...Move on, man.

2009-01-20T01:11:00.007+05:30

I just felt like I had to post something right now. Weird thing to feel on the night before my sem exams are due to begin. Anyways, who cares? So don't look for sensible stuff cos this is a late night post. On a night before an exam, on top of that.

OK. I think it must be really hard doing a post on the spur of the mo' cos right now I have nothing to say, no matter how much my blog desperately needs a post.

# I haven't studied properly for my sem. I am just too damn lazy and one of these days I am gonna be in trouble cos of that ( the trouble refers to the previous sentence ).

# My new year ( Jan 1st) was lousy. It was spent visiting relatives.

# My pongal hols were even more lousy, if that was possible. I wasn't allowed to watch tv.

# Then everyday after that was lousy. Grandpa gave constant lectures on the merits of studying for exams.

# Argument with my bro. He won't tell me the lies he uses for sneaking out. Damn him.

# After 10 days of working hard (yeah. right. ) writing exams, my univ offers me 3 glorious days of sem hols (if it can even be called that). How generous.

# It is surprising how thinking of reality ( got a sem exam tomorrow ) can curb your enthu for doing a post on the night before an exam.

Now my impulse is gone. AYE ME!!!! And for those ppl who are actually reading this, good of you to put up with the crap above ( this does not apply to ppl who automatically scrolled to the bottom to read the last line )

For Christ's sake!!!!!

2008-12-27T00:40:00.001+05:30

Yeah. Ok. Time for some proper post. Up until now, I’ve been way too lazy to take care of my blog. I mean I had some pretty interesting stuff to tell but found copy pasting easier. But now I am so totally vetti that I simply gotta do something. I am actually writing something for my blog. Aye me!!!

And now to the point of my post. A few days back it was decided in my class to play a game called "Chris mom, Chris dad" (I think that's the name of the game anyways). For the ppl who don't know this game, it's simple (that's what they told us in the beginning). You pick a chit with the name of a classmate written on it and she/he becomes your Chris-kid. You dare them, give them treats (all done anonymously so your kid has no clue who loves them so much.) and then, on Christmas, you reveal yourself to your kid and give them a big Christmas present (a big aye!!!) until then, you gotta keep your kid guessing....

And then, I suggested that guys pick strictly from the girls names and the vice versa. God. What a fuss these ppl make. No way some girls were going to write anonymous notes to guys asking them to recite the alphabets in the reverse order in front of the whole class and generally make a fool of themselves. A strict uh-uh. What a damper.

Chucks. Anyways then it was decided that everyone would pick from mixed lots (greeted by cheers and relief from ppl who don't know to live life). Anyways we picked our chits and got down to wondering whose "kid" we were and somehow we all got excited (couldn't help it. the inner child was rejoicing) except for a few who kept their heads (their inner adults were more interested in getting this crap over with so the class could get back to be excited about them bunking classes AND getting away with it AND maintaining their attendance above 90%- seriously my class needs Dr.Phil)

As it was, the stupid dampers not withstanding, we made progress with the game and it was fun...for a couple of days. Coz after that we got sick of it (we are blaming the inner child unanimously). The game unraveled faster than a ball of wool dropped from the Eiffel tower. As to how, I’ll make that my next post. As to why, I am just too damned lazy right now to type it out. Ciao.

Didn't have stuff for blogging but my blog desperately needs a post, so I just copy-pasted

2008-10-01T23:59:00.004+05:30

Qantas is an airline company based in Australia.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a problem sheet,
which conveys to the mechanics, problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction. The engineers read and
correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the
form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the sheets
before the next flight.

Of course, the ground crew and engineers have a sense of humour too.

So, here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance
engineers.

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.)

read on .... : )

P = The problem logged by the pilot
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level .

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

I Wanna Get Married......Any takers?!

2008-07-27T12:37:00.004+05:30

These are ads taken from
shaadi.com - guys searching for brides..These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this.....
## Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female,If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar

## i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)

## Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)

## she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria )

## I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

## i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

## My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......
(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much,ain't he?)

## i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast
(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the f**k...)

## HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing}

## whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)

## i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering
from "Ok-syndrome" )

## HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)

## I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely' ?)

## iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)

## my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation!)

## Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey.IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful.but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR.bye bye.
(uttama purushan)

## iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)

## I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)

## hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)

## my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..!!!)

## i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)

## to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable
(this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride.I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)

## i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani.
(Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)

## sslc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.
(Any takers again?)

There's a Hero if You Look into Your Heart

2008-07-13T14:49:00.001+05:30

This post is specially dedicated to five remarkable people. All of them are the same age as me. That is not the only connection between me and them. They have a dream that they cannot realize. I don't even have a dream but still I am lucky enough to be able to have what these people sorely want.

In a sentence, four of them want to do medicine but they can't. I don't even want to study medicine, but I can. If one of those five, a friend, is the same caste as I am then no problem......Just because she's a different caste- something that has nothing whatsoever to do with intelligence or education, she can't have her wish. How's that for crushing your dream? Caste as an excuse.....The irony of it.....

Sometimes I feel that am lucky....hell....I know am lucky. Not just because that I have what they all want, that I have what is so badly coveted but because I don't have to go through what they are all going through........The only thing that can be worse than going through what they are going through is feel that no one loves you........

I cannot say how it will feel when your dreams are turned to dust. But I can say how brutal it must be, to want something so much, to have dreamed of something for as long you can remember and then having to come to terms with the fact that your best isn't good enough.

I can't help them. Sure I can say crap like "This must be for the best" or "God has different plans" but I might as well keep my mouth shut.....I am no education minister (it would be better if I were), can do nothing to change their situation........stuck in a situation they can't get out of.....stuck in a situation where I can't help them.....but I wish I could help.....two of those people mean more to me than I can say.....they've always been there for me.....but I can't do anything for them now.......that feeling of helplessness in me and hopelessness in them.......

The least I can do to show that I care, I feel, I know how they feel........So this post is for those five friends. This post is for Ken, Mariam, Sajan, Shanmu, Tharini......

HERO
-Mariah Carey

Hmm
There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Oh oooh
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away, hey yeah
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

That a hero lies in you
Ohhh
That a hero lies in
You

I am still stupid, thank you very much :D

2008-06-26T03:51:00.001+05:30

Everybody seems to be writing about the days when they were kids (well, actually, there are only two as far as I know) but anyways now I am joining that list. So I set out to search for a suitable story. The only thing that came to my mind was my first ever letter. Wrote it to my mum. It will sound really weird (meaning it will be kinda stupid, idiotic and innocent in a sweet kinda way). A bit of history/ explanation first before getting down to the letter. My dad thinks that giving money to beggars is a total waste (trust me; this explanation bears relevance to the letter). Mum, on the other hand, doesn’t think so. She hands out money to anyone with a hard luck story (I guess most mothers are like that). As a result, I, as their child, do my bit of charity with a bit of level headedness. But I parroted whatever she said when I was a kid; before I learned to think for myself.

Anyways this letter was written when I was 5 or 6 years old. I’ve written it in capitals cause that’s how I’d written the letter. So you’ve got to put up with the spelling mistakes and grammar. I think I wrote it before I learned punctuation but what the hell………… It will sound stupid and innocent (that stupid part of me stayed)………………

DEAR MUMMY

ARE YOU FINE. DON’T ASK ME I AM ALWAYS FINE. I AM LOVING THE WORLD. I AM LOVING YOU ALSO I AM LOVING POOR PEOPLE ALSO. I WILL ALWAYS BE LOVING YOU ALSO. WHEN I COME TO MADRAS I WILL GIVE MONEY TO THEM. BUT ONE THING DADDY IS NOT HELPING THE POOR AND HE IS NOT GIVING MONEY TO THEM. SEE AT THE BACK. I AM JOINT IN ONE THING IT IS A SONG I HAVE TO TELL IT IN THE STAGE SO DADDY IS THE CHIEF QUEST IN THE FUNCTION. DADDY DON’T WANT TO BE CHIEF QUEST IN THE FUNCTION. IF IT IS ME MEANS I WILL ALWAYS BE GIVING THEM MONEY.

FROM

GAYATHRI

AND FAMILY

Incidentally, dad was the chief guest and not the chief quest. The bit in the end about the money refers to the beggars. The “see at the back” part is my version of PTO. And yeah, from the time I was five till the time I was eleven, mum was at Chennai doing her PG and then recuperating from two surgeries. So grandma looked after me and my sis. That explains the reference to Chennai in the letter. Well, actually, that explains why I wrote the letter in the first place. I missed her. Though at the age of five I probably missed her giving money to beggars.

You Have The Right To Remain Silent, So Please Shut Up.

2008-06-18T21:09:00.000+05:30

I was damn bored that day. So I figured I’d watch some tv. Sometimes tv sucks because 1) all tamil channels play stupid serials non-stop 2) axn airs the same episodes of every show I watch over and over again 3) if it is not some previous episode then it is the season finale (it makes me sad so I don’t watch) 4) even news sucks. Everybody is getting killed or will be killed or is threatening to kill or the channels are making a drama of the lives of people already killed. Tv sucks these days. But I had nothing better to do so…….There was this program in vijay tv at around 10 called “neeya nana” that day. It seemed to be some kind of debate program, so I decided to watch it. At school there was always some debate on some stupid topic or the other and I miss them. Anyways the topic for that program that day was something to do with marriage and what young guys and girls expected from their future spouses. On one side there were guys all dressed in traditional silk shirt and silk whatever (Yuk) and on the other were girls (am stretching truth to breaking point cos only one girl was below 20) all dressed in silk saris (most of them anyway). The proper age for marriage for guys, according to girls, was 24-35. The guys chose 21-29 for a girl. All that was very fine compared to the crap (according to me anyways) that came next.

Next came the session on what kind of conditions/ demands they had for their future prospective spouses. Mostly the conditions were reasonable and really well thought. The guys wanted the bride to respect his parents, maintain a good family, and be open to adjustments and all. All the guys wanted educated girls with good pay packets and no one from BPO/ call centers. And there was this guy who didn’t want a girl who had gone to college. He wanted someone who had finished school and that was all. He was 35 and still not married (with conditions like that I am not surprised). Really weird demands people have got. Then it was the girls chance. Here the girls really had fun. Overall the conditions were reasonable like no dowry; respect for parents and not giving up their jobs after marriage. Every girl wanted a guy who would accept them as they were: both wheat and chaff. The guys were not that explicit on demands but not the girls. They were on a roll.

When asked what kind of professionals they did not want as their husbands, the girls didn’t want a doctor (he’d get emergency calls exactly when taking her out to dinner), no one from BPOs /call centers (for obvious reasons), no lawyer (she was a lawyer herself, that’s why), no policemen (she hates them) no IT people/ engineers (they are married to their jobs, she said). The compeer had the sense to remark that she’d most like marry a clerk. Then there was this girl (you know the occasional weirdo). She wanted a husband with a good job. So far so good. But in addition to that, she wanted him to own a business too. The reason? Well after he comes back from work in the evenings and on the weekends he should work on his business. That is, in the morning work for some company and then work on his business during his free time. She doesn’t want a family or what? I mean if he works during all time he’s got, he’s gonna be dog tired when he returns home and he won’t even have any energy in bed. I mean, the bed is the whole point of coming home at the end of the day. I dunno what that girl had in mind. I’d very much like to know if any one marries her. Some guys are damn desperate (a fact). There might be marriage in her near future.

Anyways while I was watching this program with my mum, there came the ring of the calling bell. A neighbor and her daughter had come to get my mother’s signature (she’s a gazetted officer). Her daughter had just finished 10^th std and was going to take up typewriting. She was a bright student as I knew her. She changed because of her father. After 23 years of marriage, her father filed for divorce. Why? He apparently found the woman of his dreams in a divorcee working in his office. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that this guy (the father) locked up all his belongings in a room that had the phone, tv and the comp. He lives with that divorcee, never comes home, he doesn’t give his wife any money (she’s a house wife) and doesn’t want the custody of his kids. His daughter has to take up typewriting now cause they can’t pay the school fees. Her brother who is a B.E 1^st year student can’t eat in the mess cause he hasn’t paid his mess fee, can’t stay in the hostel cause he hasn’t paid his hostel fee, couldn’t write exams cause he hadn’t paid the fee. Then we neighbors pitched in, scrapped together some decent amount, paid the kids college and school fees (we convinced the mother to send her to school). Then we called that brute of a father to tell him of his family woes, he said he didn’t care. He has now agreed to pay Rs.11000 a month when the neighbors threatened legal action. The mother came to my home that day with her daughter and stood sobbing. What was she, a middle aged house wife, to do to support her children? The girl stood there looking too worn out to even cry. I didn’t know what to do. Sure, I could say I was sorry but that wouldn’t help them in any practical sense. Then I did the only thing I could do under the circumstances: I gave the girl the money that I had got through the R.D system at school. It was only Rs.1520 but then I’d spend my pocket money the previous month. I wish I hadn’t though. Those people need all the help they can get. Playing cricket here, near home, has languished now cause that girl was one big hitter and she rarely steps out these days.

The Way The Cookie Crumbles

2008-06-14T16:02:00.001+05:30

I actually felt like putting a bullet through their heads. The red tape doesn’t get any worse than this. This Monday I’d gone to MMC to get an application for MBBS/BDS 2008-09. Things that pissed me off in order:

Madras Medical College, Monday:

I arrived with my dad at 9.40am. The office for handing out the applications will open at 10, so it was my mistake landing there 20 mins early. I didn’t appreciate being woken up at 7 to get an application given that I’d gone to bed only at 2. So let’s say that I wasn’t in the best of moods to be kept waiting. It was damn boring there. I took a look at the notice board. I had my first bit of fun there. I guess the results for the term exams had just come out. I smirked as I looked at the subjects- pathology, biochemistry, and physiology. I knew what the results would be. Everyone would’ve crapped through in pathology. It was damn easy. A few would’ve lost it in biochem- an impossible subject unless you had a head for mugging up and a knack for chemistry. Physiology was an out of this world subject. You’ll only pass if a) you genuinely liked the subject b) you had a photographic memory c) you had the will power to keep reading after the first few lines. I was not disappointed- most failed in physio. I wanted to come back later and look up the scores for anatomy and pharmacology. The thought that I could be one of them sobered me up. The time was just 9.55. I was an idiot to think that in 5 mins the office would open. By 10.10, I had been looking at the guys spilling out of the classes to keep me busy, I decided that the procedure at MMC was the most cute guys left 1^st. then I started counting the cars parked there (I guess you can guess how nuts I was getting by this time) I had got to 87 before the office doors opened. Relieved I looked around. Seemed like the guy for handing out the apps wouldn’t be arriving for sometime. Someone had opened the doors as a matter for procedure. There was another father waiting to get an app for his son. I looked at him and my father and I felt sad that they had to be kept waiting. Four thing that are short with me: my temper, my tolerance level, my patience and my hair. So I walked up into the office (I wasn’t supposed to) and “very politely” asked the woman sitting there what time the guy to be handing out the apps was arriving. She asked me to get the hell out (I daresay I deserved it) I said no and since I was politely asking her would she politely reply because I didn’t have all day. She said (very politely) that that guy will get there whenever it pleases him and would I please get out. I smirked at her and left. That didn’t sit too well with her. I would hear her calling after me, I didn’t even look back. She should have answered me politely the 1^sttime. I can go crazy when I get angry. When I got out (dad had happily missed the drama) I told him I was sick of waiting even more sick of those people in that damn office treating us as if we deserve it and asked him if he knew a killer for hire. I actually meant it, that’s how mad I’d gotten. The people gathered there started laughing. I hadn’t bothered to keep my voice down. When everyone started laughing (I daresay they were laughing at me) I could see that a bit of the pent up frustration release. I told my dad to get something to drink or at least sit in the car while I got the app. As I was classifying the cars that I had been counting (3 innovas, 11 santros, 17 altos, 21 maruti 800’s) and after glaring at every passer by, a sweeper came out to give the apps. I think that they decided to give the apps before the adults there made some noise (not likely since they had no energy left from the waiting) but I like to think that my outburst helped in some way. The sweeper didn’t know English and she wasn’t very fast. I sensed trouble. My requisition letter was in eng and I suck in tamil (my writing would give a heart attack to our CM). God. It was going to be a long day.

Another thing that irks me is that our people seem to protest everything at the drop of a hat. I actually saw a pic of a man cutting himself seeking ban on jodhaa akbar and he’s not even a historian. Then there’s this case against the release of dasavathaaram and the petitioner hadn’t even watched the movie. Whatever happened to freedom of speech, expression etc etc? My mum had gone for counseling (for super speciality) and on the first day, some people trashed the counseling center (no apparent reason) so the counseling was postponed to the next day. The next day, the same people as before staged protest, blocked traffic, found themselves a slot in the newspapers, and also at the receiving end of the police. Obviously there was no counseling that day. The next day mum went for counseling (after checking the website concerned). She stayed at the center from 8am till 11.30 pm only to be told that no super speciality seats were even on for counseling. Since when? Oh, since three days ago. No news on the website, no info at the center. The way the govt runs- f***. What good is a T.V for Christ’s sake????Then mum came home at 1am and we left the next day- only to find that there was counseling on that day- and here’s the kicker- with super speciality seats. But they had already been pledged to someone with deep pockets, I guess.

And look what I came across when reading a mag:

Four men, an accountant, an engineer, a chemist and a govt worker were bragging about how smart their dogs were. To show off, the engineer called his dog and said, “T-square, do your stuff.” T-square went over to a desk and took a paper and a pen and drew a triangle, square and a circle. Everyone agreed that it was pretty smart. But the accountant said his dog could do better. So he called his dog and said, “Slide rule, do your stuff.” Slide rule went into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was smart. The chemist then called his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took a liter of milk, took a 250 ml glass and exactly poured 200 ml without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the govt worker and asked what his dog could do. The govt worker called his dog and said, “Coffee break, do your stuff.” Coffee break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, molested the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance repot for unsafe working conditions, put in for worker’s compensation and went home on sick leave.

And I almost forgot. There’s this woman in our school office. The students are supposed to ask her anything they want clarified. But for me, she always has a stock reply: watch T.V. the first time it happened was during my 10^th standard. When I went in and asked her when the public exam results were coming out she told me to watch T.V. as if I wouldn’t have noticed if anything had been on tv. When I went to her after the results were out to ask her about the mark sheets, she told me to watch tv. As if the cable operator knew when my school was going to give out the mark sheets. Another thing that irritates me is that she’ll never look at you when she’s answering your doubts. She’ll be busy doing something at her desk and she’ll answer you as if you couldn’t be done soon enough. If you ask her more than one question, she’ll look at you as if you are some stripper at a monastery. She hands out the same treatment to the parents too. Unless you are downright rude to her, she won’t even bother to look at you. And this time when I went to school to enquire when the results would be coming out (I knew the answer already but dad insisted I ask) she gave me her stock reply: watch tv. Unfortunately, this time, I lost it. I asked her which channel I had to watch. She looked at me for the first time I think. I was standing before her looking arrogant and angry and it set her off. She gave me a look of ill-will and another of her stock replies: ask the principal.

Sex and the Sea

2008-06-01T13:20:00.000+05:30

The advantage of being a bio freak is that you occasionally come across something weird and strange to do with life. But not necessarily anything to do with human life. The sex (as both noun and verb) in the sea is far more bizarre and colorful than our own.

Consider the Laboides dimidiatus of the Great Barrier Reef. The 10-cm, pugnacious male defends his harem 7-9 females from other males. One of the females usually dominates the others and the male is particularly aggressive towards her, since she threatens to assume his dominance and as it happens, his gender. Within hours of his death, she takes over and presides over the harem. Within a month the female actually becomes a fully functional male. This will go on and on in a never-ending feminine quest to reach the top of the dominance hierarchy.

For the giant grouper, which reaches 3 meters and 300kg, gender is determined by age and size. The young and dainty are females. As they grow, b/w the ages of 3-5 they become males. So the oldest are all males. (Although the females never reach the stature of males, at least they don’t have to worry about growing old.)

The quickest sex change takes place in the belted sand bass in the Gulf of Mexico. One twists into a “S” shape and spreads his fins in view of a neighbor. Our twisted courtier is male and the interested observer is probably a female. He ejects sperm, she eggs and another pair of reef fish has mated. It is not over yet. This is just the beginning. Now the male plays the shy female and the one time lady becomes a male. Now she ejects sperms and he ejects eggs.

The Amazon molly consists solely of females. During mating, the unisexual females use subdominant males of a related bisexual species. These borrowed lovers only activate the egg development and none of their genes are actually incorporated. The offspring of this half-hearted mating turn out to be females, all very much alike.

Then there are males who are just gigolos. The male angler fish searches for a female to support him. If he fails, he dies. (No counseling exists, I guess). If he finds a mate, he makes sure he doesn’t lose her by biting deeply into her head or belly- hanging on for dear life. And he degenerates into a complete parasite, even sharing the female’s circulatory system to stay alive. In the north Atlantic, 1.2 meters long females have been found with 8cm husbands

Guys, take heart. Not all marine males are pathetic lovers. Take octopuses. The male 1^st caresses his partner and she runs through a series of colors and blushes like a school girl. When she is ready, he places a packet of sperm inside her body cavity. In spite of not being a pathetic male lover as opposed to the rest of the sea, they remain mated only for a day.

Mass spawning is found in the orgies. Every other week at the full and new moon, from March to august, 1000s of these fishes ride waves to the beach. Arching her back, the female wiggles into the damp sand till only her head is exposed. Then she lays anywhere from 1000 to 3000 eggs and several males gyrate wildly around her, fertilizing them. All must be accomplished in 30 secs before they ride the next wave back to sea.

Fidelity is rare but not extinct. Tiny shrimps off the coast of Japan live their lives together. As they reach maturity, they squeeze into “Venus’s-flower-basket” sponge to feed and then too large to get out again, they remain trapped forever. Appropriately these sponges are a wedding present in Japan, symbolizing ever lasting union.

These mechanisms ensure that with each generation, the probability that at least a few of the progeny will survive increases, no matter what the environmental conditions. Thus sex is nature’s response to uncertain and changing future. For that- whether we swim in the sea or walk on land- we can all be grateful.

Why I write wrong

2008-05-28T22:33:00.003+05:30

Seeing as I have nothing to do, I didn’t know what to do, esp I was stumped as to what I should blog about (okay, I seriously don’t want my English teacher to ever look at that sentence). Now, after seeing two wiggly red lines under “esp” and “blog” I guess spell and grammar check in MS word will do okay for this post.

I use grammar and spell check for everything ’cause my basics suck and I don’t read the oxford dictionary or the wren and martin for a hobby. So, yeah, if I want people to understand even an iota of whatever I am trying to say, I should use spell and grammar check. In truth, I just like to see something trying to understand and fix my grammar.

But back to grammar check (GC) and spell check (SC). About that wiggly red line (green line’s for grammar and red line’s for spell check) under esp, SC suggests that I change it to “esp.” fair enough. Even after I change it as SC suggests there is still a red line. SC disagrees with its own suggestion? Whatever. But now it suggests that I change it to “ESP”. As much as I have respect for SC, when I use “esp” I mean “especially” and not “extra sensory perception” as using “ESP” would mean. Christ. There’s a big green line under the entire previous sentence. What’s wrong? SC’s (the line’s green) advice is that I consider revising. It can’t tell me what’s wrong but it just tells me to revise. How can I reconsider something that I think is right anyway? Seems GC is stumped by my grammar and spelling (why am I not surprised?). By the way, there’s a line under wiggly itself. Suggestion: that I change it to wiggle. Whatever.

“If you are so smart” I mutter to GC and I type in a well-known quote from Shakespeare: Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. Oh dear. GC suggests that I turn “countrymen” to “fellow citizens”. Friends, Romans, fellow citizens, lend me your ears? What an unkind cut! Maybe I’ve been a little unfair. Shakespeare was after all a poet. I try a line of prose:

Sorrow came- a gentle sorrow- but not at all in the shape of any disagreeable consciousness.

Problem again: wiggle line under “came”. Verb confusion (no suggestions) says grammar check. “You’re the one who’s confused”, I type.

“Jane Austen was the most clear headed of writers and she never needed no grammar check or Microsoft word. (Know something? GC never spotted my double negative). But spell check wants me to change “Austen” to “Austin.” Really man, that’s smart.

But, sorry…. if grammar is a tricky thing, then digital grammar check is a downright booby trap. Still, GC must be at the very early stage of its evolution. Something like jellyfish on the scale of living things. (“likes jellyfish” GC insists.)

Nevertheless- although I must keep using GC and SC if I ever want people to understand me- I figured that I can always switch off grammar check if it pisses me off too much with red and green lines all over the place. Even better, throw it out the Windows.

P.S: I used MS word 2000 for this post. Figured that I could poke more fun if I used word 2000 instead of word 2003.

Stupefied by School

2008-05-21T19:15:00.002+05:30

He thought education would give him the wings to fly, explore, change course, contribute more than what was expected of him. Instead, it forced him to choose between science, commerce and arts. Loath to pigeonhole his interests, Jaideep Sahni, writer of Chak De! India, recounts how he ended up making a series of unconventional career choices defying a flawed and unimaginative education system.

Stupefied by School

-Jaideep Sahni

I was 15 years old when I was asked to decide what I was going to do for the rest of my life. I’ve often wondered at the stupidity of this- how can a 15-year-old possibly make such a momentous decision? Is it a fair thing to ask at that age?

The second thing I’ve never understood is the way I was asked. I was asked to choose the direction of the rest of my life between science, commerce and arts. Can all the millions of wonderful options that life can offer anybody be really classified into three things? Science, commerce and arts, is that all? Fifteen years old, and honey, I already shrunk your life. Thanks.

Anyway I chose science. Not because of any deep passion for the subject but because of a deep fear that if I didn’t become either a doctor or an engineer, I’d become a failure, as everybody reminded me and every other 15-year-old I knew. So I found myself in delhi public school, r. k. puram, the national G-spot of iit-prepartion, not to get an education but an insurance policy. No wonder I knew nothing about science as I passed out and joined an engineering college.

But why did I join an engineering college? One, because I wanted my insurance policy to continue, and two, because I wanted to be away from home and have some fun. The first being taken care of, I worked so hard on the second that at the end of the first year, my attendance was 13 percent and I was banned from taking the exams. Oh, and I had taken electrical engineering, not because I was interested in either electricity or engineering, but because I had read Arthur Hailey’s Overload which I’d borrowed from the guy on the next berth in the train on my way to college. Now, one of the few nice things about private colleges is that they keep throwing you out so that you can get re-admitted and paying them more money. This meant I could dump electrical engineering and start all over again. So for the first time in my life, 15 months after I joined engineering college, I actually read the various syllabi of various engineering streams and fell hopelessly in love with computer engineering.

Ignoring the sniggers of my professors and sighs of the college chairman, my dad patiently as I took admission in the supposedly difficult stream of engineering (another hilarious Indian middle class myth, but that’s another story.) it’s funny but I topped the class, topped the course, topped the college, and started a life-long fascination with technology. Which brings me to the third thing I never understood about education-why doesn’t somebody tell the students about the joys (and frustrations) of various streams before they make their choices? Yes, I know there are counselors, and may their tribe increase every day and may they be paid in millions, but why isn’t there compulsory counseling everywhere? I ultimately did find a subject that I loved- but it was by pure chance. It doesn’t have to be.

So what am I doing writing movies and lyrics in Mumbai?

Well, before I started writing screenplays and songs, I used to make ad films, before which I used to work in a fantastic ad agency, before which I used to sell IT consulting to big corporations. But that’s the point: I might wanna make movies, write computer software, design user friendly embedded systems for public utilities, write songs, marry science and humanities in a high-tech low crawling NGO, learn to fly planes, turn FM radio on its head, use technology to make political parties behave, share with everybody how utterly wonderful film business is, and a zillion other things which I keep dreaming of. Some of these dreams may come true, and some, remain just dreams.

But does my education give me wings to fly, explore, change course, contribute more than whatever was expected of me? Which is the fourth thing I never understood about education- why is it so detached from our dreams? Why didn’t I have the option to dabble in wide variety of subjects while in college, so I didn’t have to spend a large part of my working life educating myself with each and every one of them with suspiciously funny results? Yes, it’s fun but it is also exhausting. It shouldn’t be.

I’ve always had this funny suspicion that we are a nation of engineers who wanted to be singers, doctors who wanted to be actors, artists who just wanted to be rich and famous, and so on. This is partly because we have always been a poor country and everybody decides their life not on their passion, but on the earning potential of their choice. And partly because nobody has ever advised us better. And that has made us a weird society where an ordinary citizen has no access to any sort of decision support systems if he suddenly wants to take his life seriously. A nation which at all times is running on half-steam, because a huge percentage of productive citizens are just passing time- because they are not doing jobs which they really like to do!

Now that there is a Knowledge Commission in place, where well- meaning people from all walks of life are presumably wracking their brains to improve our education system, I hope they give a thought to drastically increasing its flexibility and do this nation one huge favor.

And the fifth thing that foxes me about our education system: What is this fixation with higher education? What good is bothering about the IIMs and theIITs so much, since they are doing fine anyway? Shouldn’t we first bother about the millions of local schools and colleges all over, which instead of educating us are decimating us, taking us away from our instincts and dreams, with no chance of returning ever? Or about our unbending systems which instead of freeing minds, lock us in private little hells of failure in airless cells called careers where we spend the rest of our lives racing each other to places we never wanted to go to in the first place.

If it wasn’t so funny, I would’ve killed somebody.

At Crossroads

2008-05-13T13:06:00.000+05:30

Now that the public exam results are out, the tedious process of filling applications and trying to get into a good college is in. shouldn't be difficult. my cut-off is o-kay. the problem is my cut-off for medical is much much much better than the engineering thingy and i have no doubt that i will get into a good medical college if i apply. but do i want to apply? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!! look at it from my perspective. i honestly like biology but i don't wanna do medicine. why? god knows. all this confusion won't have started if it weren't for four people.

no:1 is my 10th botany teacher. god knows what she taught us. she had the really enviable and extraordinary ability of repeating whatever she says, only that it seemed to have different meanings each time.she would talk like she could mind read and that is really annoying when it comes from someone like her. a typical lesson would go like this (my thoughts are in italics):

"The pollen tube will pierce the embryo sac and the end will dissolve( which end- the pollen tube or the sac?)now the pollen tube has entered and the three antipodals will disintegrate and the -i know what you are thinking. don't you dare imagine anything(blink blink). so the sperm will fertilize the egg and the secondary nucleus formed will be fertilised by the sperm( what?! two fertilisations? for one sperm? or were there two of them? either way that's so not allowed- biologically or otherwise!!! the sperms are having a field day and yeah where did the secondary nucleus come from? hell-o?!) and now the synergids ( yeah what happened to them?) I know what you are thinking and don't you dare. always imagining things
( o boy here we go again) i know what you are all thinking and don't imagine anything. i know that your thoughts will be like that only. you are young and you don't know anything so don't think anything.(at this point,she notices that we are staring at her as though she is a hopeless case) i know what you are thinking and you have no respect. no respect at all. i don't know what this generation is coming to. hopeless cases. i know what you are thinking......"

At this point the class falls asleep so till date no one knows if she really could mind read.when you have a teacher like that you begin to hate that subject.

person no:2 my zoo teach did nothing to help. she didn't know what she was saying either but at least she didn't pretend like she knew everything. all the people i know still haven't forgiven her for suspending a live cockroach at all our faces during a physiology class.

so i was damn sure that in 11th and 12th i will certainly not take bio. besides i saw what my parents were going through as doctors and i had no intention of joining them. some political big shot ass hole threatened to pour acid at mum's face if she didn't fake a dead certificate. so much for respect.

person no:3 is my dad. he wants me to become a doctor. so after bucket loads of wasted tears i was put in bio group in 11th against my wishes. so much for follow your dream crap. now during my public exam. he took a look at my bio book for the 1st time and said he'd made a mistake and that i was learning what he'd learnt in his 1st year and if he'd known that he'd have let me join comp group. whatever. a bit late in the day for that.

person no:4 is my mum. she wants me to become an engineer. she doesn't want to put me through the same thing that she's been through. good logic.

so here i am stuck. to tell the truth, in 10th i hated bio cos of the teachers. i only wanted to do engineering then cos i knew dad wanted me to become doc and i was determined not to do that simply because he'd put me in bio group against my wishes. but honestly, i love bio. it comes to me naturally. i would be lying if i said otherwise.

in short this is my dilemma: i like bio but i haven't got what it takes to be a good doc. i've lost too many people in my family and i know how much that hurts. i don't wanna become a doc and then watch a family lose their father or bro or a child. i'd never forgive myself if anything like that happened even if some case was beyond all possible human help. i simply don't have the required professional detachment. but i know in my heart that i will fit more perfectly as a doc than an engineer. i am also damn sure that i will go nuts within two days of cutting up cadavers. my nerves aren't fit for this kinda thing. i dunno what i want. but if you ask me anytime i'd go for engineering. i only need to know if my aversion to bio comes from my natural aversion to blood and all that gory stuff or simply because i hate dad taking my decisions for me and running my life and i am simply determined that this time i am not going to give him what he wants. do i think that owning up to liking bio will be like surrendering to dad? i really dunno.i don't wanna take up engineering just because it'll piss off dad and regret it for the rest of my life. i want to take up engineering because that's where i'll really fit and that's something i'll never regret.ever.

a good friend said, "whatever you do make sure you won't regret it later." good advice. only i don't know what i will regret later. but this time, i gonna make sure that three years from now, dad won't be meeting me at some medical college and say "i think i made a mistake."
this time i am gonna make sure that i'll be following my dream,not dad's because this is my future not dads. he had his chance and now, i wanna have mine.

P.S: please people ( for ken,kvy and msk esp) don't tell me that i'll become a doc. it is simply not funny.

Relief at last

2008-05-10T09:31:00.000+05:30

Right. the public exam results are out and i passed!!!!! with a lousy 92%. i was soooooo nervous and all and when i came to know that the results will be coming out on may 9th i almost flipped out in tension. i even prepared my last will and testament and all. it ran like this:

being of sound mind, i spent all my money. that's all folks.

now i am relieved, dad is happy, mom is disappointed. so one year of no hard work and total fooling around saw me through. i figure that this is the first post that is gonna carry my personal thoughts so i just wanna say thanks to everyone who were with me for that one year. i am just happy that dad and mom let me do things my own way without imposing themselves on me. thanks mom, thanks dad.and also to my sis for fighting frequently with me and keeping me distracted by playing cards with me during the wee hours of the morning.i just wanna say thank you to ken for keeping me sane through her words of wisdom when i thought i was gonna buckle under the pressure. would have failed to maintain sanity if it wasn't for you. thanks da. thanks also to msk for being the first person to tell me my marks and relieving me from my tension and also for keeping me calmed down on the morning of the results. thanks to kvy for calling me frequently and keeping me cheered up with talks of boys. tell the guys i said hi. finally thanks to my class teacher who had unshakable faith in me. am so very sorry that i didn't get the centum that she expected from me in bio (missed it by three marks).and then thanks to god for enabling me to make my family happy with my score.

that's all i guess. the only difference between yesterday and today is that i feel happier today.the world suddenly seems a much better place.

Trapped....er....tagged

2008-04-19T17:19:00.000+05:30

Tagged by Ken………

A- I Adore: my mom, my sis, my bro (the last one hardly merits it.)

B- Beverages I like: iced tea, buttermilk (spiced) any day

C- Cartoons that I’d watch anytime: loony toons, the Addams family (in that order)

D- disappointments: me. My best is never good enough.

E- I enjoy: lazing around (shrug)

F- Favorite color combo: black and blue

G for: Gayathri :P

H- I hate: sentiment, sweet stuff, ginger in any food stuff except ginger bread

I- ice creams: NO! Once in a blue moon maybe. But only if it is pista/caramel/butterscotch

J- Fav juice: lemonade

K- Krazy abt: books, music

L- Love to: buy a sports car and race all day, whistle

M- Wanna meet: Oprah Winfrey, Paulo Coelho (two, not 20/25K)

N- I’d never: do anything I don’t like (after 18)

O- I’m open abt: everything----to my friends.

P- phobias: acrophobia (heights), claustrophobia (closed spaces), anything with more than 4 legs

Q- Quotes:

# Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him. Wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.

# Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are absolutely right

# You can’t leave footsteps that last if you are walking on tiptoe.

# The richest man on Earth is one who knows what his heart wants. The happiest man is one who follows his heart.

R- Reasons I smile: life is too good. Okay. I think I flunked jee and I might change my tone come may 10^th, but what the heck I can afford to be optimistic.

S- What I can’t stand: pretentious people, sentimental people, death and suffering

T- tag: no one. People have got enough stuff on their plates without me tagging them. Who started this any way?

U- Unknown fact abt me: my real name is Janani. That’s how my people named me during the naming ceremony. But dad didn’t like it and he changed my name on the birth certificate and the rest of the official documents to Gayathri. So I was christened Janani but am Gayathri. Astrologically, astronomically, numerologically, the name Gayathri will bring me bad luck. Shucks.

V- Why I wanna learn voodoo: I know a lot of people I can practice it on.

W- Why my school needs a well: I know a lot of people I can push into a well.

X- rays: I had only one when I was 10. dunno for what.

Y- Why I hate yellow: it’s too loud (no offence)

Z- Zodiac: according to the newspapers and yahoo, am a Sagittarius. According to Linda Goodman am a scorpio. Apparently, even yahoo is party to confuse my zodiac. Obviously, the mess over my name doesn’t suffice.

Say What?!

2008-03-30T16:57:00.000+05:30

Last Friday, there was this review in The Hindu by Sudish Kamath about a crappy film called “Inba”. The actor’s Shaam and the director’s Vendhan. The review trashed the film and(this is) how………….

All you baby-faced heroes with chocolate-boy looks learn from Shaam. Yes, you too Abbas. Here’s how to make the transition from lover boy to macho man.

First grow a beard. The metrosexual look will not take you beyond the metro. The beard helps in defining character; it instantly tells us the basics. One, he’s poor. He’s got no money to shave. Two; he’s hiding a sad story behind the beard. Also keeping a beard may fool at least a small percent of Vijaya T. Rajendherr fans into walking into the hall out of mistaken identity.

Second. Talk less, smile even less. Let your hands do all the talking. Let’s say someone asks the time. If you tell him the time, you become the extra and he becomes the hero. So don’t reply. Give him one across the face.

Third. In an action film, you don’t woo the girl. The girl should woo you. Never ever smile at her. This adds to the mystery to the two already established points of character-development. Even if she does not like you in the beginning, once she sees you beat up guys, she’ll get scared and learn how to behave. Initially, she may hire you to protect her and later realize that it’s cheaper to get your lifetime services.

Fourth. It is important, absolutely necessary to throw in a Superstar tribute. Make sure that there are at least ten rows of extras dancing behind you. This usually gives dance masters enough scope to choreograph according to your limitations. Besides, the dance steps in the movies these days are so ridiculous that unless you have a hundred of them doing it at the same time, you can’t say: “Come on. See, everyone’s doing it. It’s cool.”

Fifth. The flashback. Throw in a 15 to 20 minute sequence where you are a 12^th standard student. If you were Little Superstar or Chiyaan Vikram, you could’ve played the role yourself, knocking off some kilos. But since, you are not yet blessed with that kind of versatility; you get some promising young actor to essay your past. This sequence should involve a tragedy.

Sixth. The quintessential, most definitive trait of being a mass hero is the dandanaka, the traditional dead body dance. If you are an import from another city, here’s how you get hold of the basics. A. Start with the face. Stick your tongue out and bite it. B. Pretend you are flying a kite and pulling the thread. C. Wear a lungi or at least tie-up the two ends of the shirt instead of buttoning it and do pelvic thrusts at 40 per minute.

So that’s how Shaam turned into the mass hero Inba with director Vendhan’s insightful inputs. By all means, go for “Inba”. It’s the most inspiring piece of Tamil cinema. If this chap can make a movie, so can you.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

2008-03-27T14:41:00.000+05:30

Why did the chicken cross the road? Pretty dumb question, I know. But apparently, this is a joke. (ha ha ha I can hardly breathe for laughing). Actually the original is (at least I think it’s the original)
Q: why did the chicken cross the road?
A: to prove it wasn’t chicken!!!(???)

There are other versions too.
Q: why did the chicken not cross the road?
A: because it was chicken.

Q: why did the turkey cross the road?
A: it was the chickens’ day off.

Q: why did the chicken cross the road?
A: it got sick of all the jokes.

Finally I got sick of all these jokes (?). How would it be if this dumb question was put to the famous? In some cases, the answers were as dumb as the question.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that the chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on “THIS” side of the road before it goes after the problem on the “OTHER SIDE” of the road. What we need to do is to help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his “CURRENT” problems before adding on “NEW” problems.

Oprah Winfrey: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

Grandpa: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough.

John Lenon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together-in peace.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads but also lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&.

Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

Al Gore: I invented the chicken!

Saga of a summer night

2008-03-21T16:48:00.000+05:30

Summer is here and so is the heat. This is the time of the year when people plan to sleep on terraces either because they have no a.c (maybe it has conked) or simply enjoy the starlit sky. At Chennai where I live this idea is hugely popular. So much so that even people with a.cs (not conked) head for the terrace too. It was kinda nice to sleep with no ceiling over our heads and have stars for night lamps. But I guess not everyone’s that lucky. There’s this guy who apparently wanted to share my experience but got different.

In his memorable “A Night Among the Pines”, the great essayist, Robert Louis Stevenson, wrote about the pleasures of sleeping under the stars. Stevenson was fond of camping out, waking up at 2am, gazing at the starlit sky and falling into a refreshing slumber again.
So, too, are many Indians. During the summer months in Ahmedabad, where I live, when darkness falls, everyone makes a beeline for terraces, balconies or the open spaces in front of their homes.
In our home we start debating when to make the move to the terrace as soon as the heat begins and the fans have to be kept on all night. Being of a scientific bent of mind, I turn down suggestions to consult the family astrologer. “Let’s start right away”, I say. My three-year-old daughter backs me.
“Shouldn’t we wait for a few more days?” asks my wife. “There’s still a slight dew fall in the mornings and we may catch a chill.”
My skepticism about ahmedabad ever having a dew fall in summer doesn’t move her. “If the child or I fall ill, are you going to stay home and look after us?” she asks. A slanging match begins. Tears flow. I give in.
But even after the dew disappears and my wife gives me ths green light, problems arise. What type of bedrolls should we take to the terrace? “The lighter razais,” I suggest. “Mattresses are too cumbersome to be carried up and down daily.” My wife gives me e freezing look (incorporating into that look all that dew): “Do you want me to wake up everyday with a backache?”
However, I’m the one who gets the backache, carrying bucket after bucket of water to wash the terraces. The place attracts so much dust and dirt that I’m sure Hercules had an easier time with the Augean stables.
Finally it is time to go up. Holding the heavy mattresses in a tight embrace, it is difficult to see where I’m going. I clump up the stairs like a blinded Samson in the temple of the Philistines. When I slip and fall, my wife reprimands me for using “that kind of language” in front of our daughter.
I am positive that Hillary and Norgay became expert mountaineers only after practicing carrying their bedrolls up steeply built stairs. It develops the back and shoulder muscles and is also good exercise for budding fast bowlers.
By the time she finishes narrating a recent incident on an adjoining terrace where a strange-looking insect was reported to have gone into the ear of a sleeping neighbor and come out through the other, I can see bugs everywhere. But my ordeal has just begun. As soon as I rest my aching back on the soft bed, comes the query: “Is the front door locked? What about the windows? Be my angel and check again.” My thoughts, though, as I re-secure the windows and doors, are far from angelic.
By now things are happening on the near-by terraces. The occupant of one suffers from insomnia and switches on a bright reading lamp. By some optical quirk, the rays light up my pillow, so I have no alternative but to cover myself completely. So much for the starlit sky, but perhaps refreshing slumber still awaits me?
From another terrace comes the sound of vibrant pop music. That ends and I heave a sigh of relief. But I have not reckoned with the west indies vs India test match at Barbados. Buffeted by the voices of the commentators and the shrieks of the spectators, I begin to understand what it is like to be a cricket ball. Then the newly married couple in the next building, blissfully ignorant that their windows are open and the curtains are not drawn, provide their special distraction.
At last, it is quiet. My eyes slowly close. But the street dogs take over, singing solo or in chorus. As the canine grand opera moves towards its finale, I realize with a start that it’s nearly 3am. The final actor in this drama is the milkman with his rich baritone and jingling his cycle bell. The dogs greet his entrance with another overture. The night is over.
I envy Stevenson for his night among the pines. But had he shared my experience, he would have written something quite different.

Interesting...........

2008-01-16T11:56:00.000+05:30

There are only a few things that are as interesting or obsessing or dirty as sex, politics and women. last week i read this book and it offered quite a few interesting insights.... couldnt wait to share, so here goes..........

ON SEX:
*condoms are not completely safe. my friend was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
*flies spread disease. keep yours zipped.
*sex is not the answer. sex is the question. yes is the answer
*in a word association test, a student was asked why a snow storm put the thought of sex in his mind. he honestly replied,"because everything does."
*sex without love is an empty experience. but as far as empty experiences go it is pretty good.
*condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
*there are many mechanical things that sexually excite a woman. one of them is a mercedes 360 SL convertible.
*when a guy talks dirty to a woman it is sexual harassment.when a girl talks dirty to a guy,it is $3.50 per minute.
*tell him that am too fucking busy or vice versa
*not long ago sex was dirty and the air was clean.

ON WOMEN:

*a guy goes on a date wondering if he will be lucky. a woman already knows.
*women all over the world dress exactly-to annoy other women.
*a woman should be placed on a pedestal.high enough so you can look up her dress.

ON POLITICS:

*politics is derived from latin which means 'poly'-many 'tics'-blood suckers
*being a president has its advantages. the day after i got elected i classified my high school grades as top secret.
-reagen
*if 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' then what is the opposite of 'progress'?

there's some more. i'll update when i remember. i need ur comments so as to decide whether i should really update

Those three morals

2007-12-02T17:18:00.000+05:30

Remember Aesops’ fables? Those cute little stories with little morals at the end? Well, I heard a story long ago that had, not one, but three morals. Those three have helped me when I’ve been in a bit of a bother. Maybe they’ll help you too.

There was this monk who was hurrying to the prayer hall. He was already running short of time and he didn’t want to be late if he could help it. So anyways, he was hurrying on his way, he heard the loud impatient twittering of a just-hatched bird chick. That day being a cold November morning and all (I love November), the chick (the baby bird I mean) was shivering. Already being late and not wanting to be late than could be helped, he stood on the road, indecisive. Just as he picked up the chick, the bell for the morning prater chimed. The monk hastily looked around and spotted some fresh cow dung on the ground. He put the chick in the dung, knowing that the dung will keep it warm, and went his way.

Now, who would want to lie in a bed of shit? Not me and neither would the chick, so it raised one hell of a racket, hoping to be heard. It was twittering so madly that you would’ve thought that the world was coming to an end. So anyways, it kept twittering madly hoping someone would hear it and save it from that smelly shit. Its mad twitters were heard, not by some good Samaritan passing that way but by some mangy cat. A very hungry cat, desperate for some food. Rather unfortunately for our bird, the cat figured out that the little chick was hidden in that pile of cow dung. The cat scooped the bird up from the shit and swallowed it before the chick had had enough time to be grateful to be out of that stinkin’ shit. All that the chick knew was that it was going some dark tunnel at the end of which there was no light.

MORAL 1:- Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy

MORAL 2:- Not everyone who gets you out of that shit is your friend

MORAL 3:- When you are in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Good though these morals maybe, they definitely won’t bail you out in case you get stuck in situations involving some weirdo. Case in point:

Her: What birds did you say are extinct?

Me: Dodos

Her: I see. What were they?

Me: They were flightless pigeons, fat and ugly.

Her: But I thought they were extinct?!

Me (blink blink): They are both. Fat, ugly and extinct.

Her: Any chance of bringing them back?

Me: I don’t think so.

Her: Why not?

Me: Because they are extinct.

Her: Still?

Me: Duh!!!!!!!!!!

Someone's laughing at Bollywood!!!!!

2007-10-13T16:40:00.000+05:30

I was actually reading a book called "Laughter - the best medicine" when I came across this clever piece of writing. It seemed to me that I should blog abt this.I mean ,everyone's entitled to enjoyment.
A guy called David somebody(can't remember his name) wrote a book on his tour of India.The book is called"....."(can't remember that either).Anyways,the most captivating part of the whole book was abt his bus ride to some place during which he saw a bollywood movie and decided to comment on it.

WARNING:The delicate and devoted friends of bollywood,don't read this.If you do,you mite hate that David somebody for writing it and me for blogging abt it

I was actually on a government bus,travelling to my next place of visit.A Bollywood movie was playing near the front of the bus for entertainment. But I was nowhere near the front:I was sitting in the last row of seats.Even though I was at the last,the frequent suspensions in mid-air every few seconds due to the roads and the constant replaying of the same film sufficed.The plot of the story as far as I could make out was as follows:
The handsome boy and a pretty girl are very much in love.But the boys parents want him to marry a fat,ugly girl.So the handsome boy(the hero) runs away with the pretty girl(the heroine).But the ugly,fat girl and the boys parents catch up with them.Here they all break into a song around a tree.But as soon as the song is over,the chase is on again.Suddenly five or six hefty men appear from behind a bush that was nowhere in sight a few seconds ago.The hero fights all of them and defeats them single handedly.And the bush disappears again and they all start running and chasing.Suddenly again,some more men appear from behind the magically appearing bush.Once again they all break into a song.By this time,the ugly girl has tied the father around a tree and doused him with petrol.She asks the hero to stop running or she'd strike a match to the petrol.But the hero is busy fighting with the men who appear and disappear with the magical bush.By this time,the father has managed to release himself and overcome the ruffian guarding him by slamming a bucket onto his head.The father realises that the fat girl is bad and they all start chasing her.But she manages to run away and escape.The father seems to give his blessings to the couple.The ugly girl is shown on the horizon,shouting out what is undoubtedly a vow of revenge.
The ugly girl stumbles across a hut in a desert.She sees that a man lives there all alone.He tries to seduce her,but she is not interested.At this point she notices that he seems to be developing an atom bomb.Suddenly she is interested and she starts to plot revenge with that man.After this the story got a bit hard to follow.As far as I could make out, the ugly girls plan for revenge failed and the bomb blew up,killing the ugly girl and her lover.The young couple lived happily ever after.
Now that's what I call quality entertainment.

If I had my way,this David guy would have got the Nobel Prize for Literature this year.If this isn't enjoyable,then what is?