Remember Aesops’ fables? Those cute little stories with little morals at the end? Well, I heard a story long ago that had, not one, but three morals. Those three have helped me when I’ve been in a bit of a bother. Maybe they’ll help you too.
There was this monk who was hurrying to the prayer hall. He was already running short of time and he didn’t want to be late if he could help it. So anyways, he was hurrying on his way, he heard the loud impatient twittering of a just-hatched bird chick. That day being a cold November morning and all (I love November), the chick (the baby bird I mean) was shivering. Already being late and not wanting to be late than could be helped, he stood on the road, indecisive. Just as he picked up the chick, the bell for the morning prater chimed. The monk hastily looked around and spotted some fresh cow dung on the ground. He put the chick in the dung, knowing that the dung will keep it warm, and went his way.
Now, who would want to lie in a bed of shit? Not me and neither would the chick, so it raised one hell of a racket, hoping to be heard. It was twittering so madly that you would’ve thought that the world was coming to an end. So anyways, it kept twittering madly hoping someone would hear it and save it from that smelly shit. Its mad twitters were heard, not by some good Samaritan passing that way but by some mangy cat. A very hungry cat, desperate for some food. Rather unfortunately for our bird, the cat figured out that the little chick was hidden in that pile of cow dung. The cat scooped the bird up from the shit and swallowed it before the chick had had enough time to be grateful to be out of that stinkin’ shit. All that the chick knew was that it was going some dark tunnel at the end of which there was no light.
MORAL 1:- Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy
MORAL 2:- Not everyone who gets you out of that shit is your friend
MORAL 3:- When you are in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
Good though these morals maybe, they definitely won’t bail you out in case you get stuck in situations involving some weirdo. Case in point:
Her: What birds did you say are extinct?
Me: Dodos
Her: I see. What were they?
Me: They were flightless pigeons, fat and ugly.
Her: But I thought they were extinct?!
Me (blink blink): They are both. Fat, ugly and extinct.
Her: Any chance of bringing them back?
Me: I don’t think so.
Her: Why not?
Me: Because they are extinct.
Her: Still?
Me: Duh!!!!!!!!!!
